Through Kamui's Looking Glass
by SawyerRaleigh
Summary: Kamui has an odd dream... Yup. It's X meets Alice in Wonderland. :P
1. It's Like I'm Looking From a Distance

Introduction:

Okay so here's the thing. This is mostly based on the actual books Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass, not any of the movies, so some of the characters and events are likely to be unfamiliar if you've never read either. As a result, I've listed the roles everyone is playing at the bottom along with a few notes about things that might need explaining. Feel free to ignore them if you're not interested.

Overall however I should also mention that the books deal a lot with identity and it's clear that Alice isn't sure of her own. Reading X, the strange rapport both Kamui's have with identity intrigued me and so inspired me to write this. :P

Oh and the chapter titles are the lines from the refrain of the song "Just a Dream" by Carrie Underwood. I know that the song is about something completely different but those particular lyrics struck me when the song came on and it seemed appropriate to use them here.

Anyway, shutting up now and getting to the story!

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The first thing Kamui noticed when he woke up was that the clothes he was wearing were definitely not his. He would never wear white knee high stockings and blue culottes or any other color culottes(1) for that matter. The white button-down seemed like one of his own at least, though the matching blue blazer over it certainly was not familiar, nor was the black ribbon around his collar, ending in a loose bow. He wondered how these clothes had found their way onto his body and noticing the sunflowers blooming brightly around him, wondered if Yuzuriha had to do with this. This was a strange prank though, even for her to play and the wind blowing through his hair seemed just a little bit… off.

He stood up, too short to see over the enormous sunflowers while sitting down and was shocked to see that he was in a field full of them, the brilliant yellow contrasting happily with his blue clothing as if he were the sky they sought to turn toward.

_Where the hell am I?_ He wondered, wracking his brain to see if he ever remembered going to or even seeing a place like this in his entire life.

Just as he was drawing the conclusion that he must be in some sort of illusion, he heard a rustle in the flowers and turned quickly, powers ready, prepared to fight whoever appeared. He immediately relaxed though as he recognized Subaru several meters away.

"Subaru!" he called out brightly to the Sumeragi.

Wait. Were those… rabbit ears?

Subaru stopped, but not at the sound of Kamui's voice, and pulled a pocket watch out of his velvet waistcoat.

Pocket watch? Waistcoat? Suspicious would be an understatement, Kamui felt.

"Oh my, I'm late!" Subaru cried in obvious alarm, showing more outward despair than Kamui had even seen him show while reliving his sister's death in the dream where they had met.

"Late for what? Subaru!" Kamui cried out as the man turned away from him and began sprinting through the sunflowers. Kamui ran after him, trying his best to keep up but having trouble thanks to his smaller stride and difficulty maneuvering through the thick stalks.

"Subaru wait! Where are you going? Why are you in such a hurry?"

Subaru threw him a look over his shoulder, acknowledging him for the first time. "To grant my wish of course."

"What… wish?" Kamui panted, still trying to keep up but falling further and further behind. He soon lost sight of Subaru and fell to his knees, trying to catch his breath.

As his breathing slowed Kamui realized he could hear voices. Two women's voices to be precise and he turned to see Hinoto and Kanoe kneeling around a campfire not far away. Hinoto was dressed in her usual white robes, although they seemed less… clean here and from a distance, the loops in her silvery hair looked like mouse ears rising up from her head. Kanoe was wearing a strange dress with ugly black feathers adorning it. Her mannerisms however suggested that she felt it was quite beautiful and was proud of her unique outfit. Kamui hesitantly approached them but neither of them seemed to notice, they were completely engrossed in whatever they were doing. After watching for a few silent moments he realized they were playing with dolls. Dolls that he realized with a sickening feeling were little replicas of the seals and the angels as well as other people he recognized, such as Kotori. They were having the dolls run in circles around the campfire, over and over again and were giggling madly as they did so.

"Do you know, do you know how ineffectual you are?" Kanoe giggled to one of the dolls, obscured from Kamui by the flames she was guiding it behind.

Hinoto laughed. "Do you even know what that word means Kanoe?"

"Of course I do silly." She suddenly tossed one of the dolls into the fire and even though it was just a doll, just cloth and plastic, Kamui felt like throwing up at the carelessness of the movement. "We have a veritable cornucopia of characters here." She declared. "But there's a surplus. They're getting hard to keep track of you know."

"That's true." Hinoto agreed and tossed another doll into the flames. Kamui jerked when he realized it was the Kotori doll but forced himself to stay still even while her long golden brown locks sizzled and crackled and the nauseating scent of burning plastic filled his nose.

"Who do you think will win the race?" Kanoe asked, giggling again.

"Me of course." Hinoto assured her.

"What?" Kanoe seemed insulted. "But you're not even running!"

"I don't have to. I can't you know. I can't stand up. But it's okay- they can." She smiled down at the dolls and Kamui knew he had never seen the smile on the princess's sweet face before, had never seen her look at something with such cruel intention flaring in her eyes.

Kanoe huffed. "That's not fair. Besides, since you ARE an invalid, doesn't that just mean they can get rid of you easily too?"

Hinoto glared at her sister over the flames, dropping the dolls. "That was a low blow, Kanoe." She stood up and Kamui suddenly wondered if she had just been lying the whole time or if he was imagining things. He watched Hinoto stomp off into the woods, wondering how or if she knew where she was going then was surprised when Kanoe seemed to finally notice him and addressed him.

"It's pointless you know." She said, resuming the mad little race with the dolls.

"What do you mean?" he asked, afraid to step any closer.

"Without her, the race will never finish."

"Oh… I'm sorry?" Kamui offered condolences he wasn't sure were merited.

"It's okay. It's not a race anyone was going to win anyway." She tossed another doll into the flames and Kamui quickly backed away, not wanting to find out what she meant, choosing instead to continue moving in the direction he had seen Subaru go earlier.

Wandering through the same woods he had seen Hinoto disappear into as well, Kamui felt a growing sense of unease. The forest seemed unwelcoming, a chilling change after the bright and happy field of sunflowers and he wondered if it was really getting dark out or if the closeness of the trees and their interlocking, enclosing branches were simply shutting out the light. Kamui was just beginning to wonder if he was lost and should try to find his way back out before he was forever trapped in this forest of gloom when he came across a strange sight in the midst of such darkness. Two people were having a tea party, lit by an eerie unnatural light whose source he couldn't quite identify, only knew it was somewhere in the trees above them. He decided not to think about it too much and approached the pair.

"Um… hello." He said hesitantly.

One merely gave him a cold stare from behind her glasses and he suddenly noticed she too had rabbit ears, but not soft white ones like the ones Subaru had inexplicably sported. No hers were mechanical copper ones that occasionally twitched with the empty sound of metal against metal. Her companion however gave him a relaxed smile and Kamui felt a little calmer, thinking he at least seemed more normal.

"Hello." The man replied, tapping the brim of his hat in greeting. Only then did Kamui notice that the top hat shimmered wetly and was translucent.

"Your hat… is it… is it made of water?" Kamui asked incredulously.

"Why yes, yes it is." The man beamed.

"But what's the band of silver around it?"

"That would be mercury!"(2) The man answered, joy dripping off his tongue as droplets of the hat dripped into his dirty blond hair.

Kamui tried not to recoil too obviously. "Um… okay. Have you seen a guy with rabbit ears and a waistcoat come by here by chance?"

"I'm afraid you're interrupting our tea party." The man replied cordially.

"I- what?"

"Our tea party. You are interrupting it. Come back later." The man waved him a way nonchalantly.

"But I- look this is important! And it'll only take a second for you to answer yes or no! It took longer for you to tell me to go away dammit!" Kamui was growing frustrated. "I don't have time for this!"

"Of course you don't have time. No one can ever have time. It's not something you can hold now is it?"

"What? But you can have things you can't hold…"

"Can you? Can you even have the things you can hold?" The one with the mechanical ears asked quietly.

"I… of course you can… Whatever. The point is you have time to tell me whether or not you've seen the person I'm looking for!"

"No, we haven't got time any more than you have." The man with the watery hat replied.

"You're just sitting here in the middle of nowhere drinking tea! You've got all the time in the world!" Kamui cried, clenching his fists at his sides.

"That's not very much is it?" The man sipped his tea serenely, unperturbed by the implications of this statement.

"What the hell? Just answer you bastard!"

"No, no, no time I'm afraid. You shall have to leave." The man shook his head and the woman sipped her tea without a care.

Kamui was fed up now, hating himself for feeling so confused, so he approached the table and slammed a hand down on it near where the woman sat, rattling the numerous tea cups scattered across it. "No! I'm not leaving until I have an answer!"

At once another head rose from the other end of the table and Kamui realized there had been a third person asleep with his head on his arms, his pale purplish clothing and hair blending in with the tablecloth.

"Beware the jabberwock." He said, his voice as soft as a mouse's footsteps, his gaze falling sleepily on Kamui.

"What?"

"Do you have the vorpol sword?(3) You might defeat it with that."

"You mean the shinken?"(4) Kamui asked, bewildered by this sudden change in conversation. "What the hell is a jabberwock?"

"The jaws that bite, the claws that catch… all things it doesn't have but things it can do."(5) The person said enigmatically, i.e. unhelpfully.

"What the hell are you talking ab-" Kamui froze as he heard a whirring sound in the trees directly above him. He looked up and his eyes met the source of the glow.

"Beware the jabberwock." The woman said, sipping her tea calmly.

Kamui backed away silently, resisting the urge to turn and bolt, afraid that that would only incite the beast in the trees.

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As promised, a list of who's who and a few explanatory notes. Feel free to message me should anything else need explaining. :P

Kamui = Alice obviously :P (As I said in the intro, this isn't just because he's the main character, it's because of the identity issue.)

Subaru = The White Rabbit (The White Rabbit always fascinated me in the book. He's sort of a beacon to Alice for her to follow but keeps running off. Subaru's disappearance in Volume 16 made me think of this.)

Hinoto = The Mouse (Not to be confused with the Doormouse. In the book, Alice meets a Mouse early in her adventures in Wonderland who helps her at first but runs off later when it gets offended by something.)

Kanoe = the Dodo (One of the most foolish characters even by Wonderland standards. This seemed to suit her. :P)

Satsuki = The March Hare (Okay she's always running off to meet Yuuto for tea in the series- it was too perfect to make them this pair.)

Yuuto = The Mad Hatter (Again, the obsession with tea made him fit this scene.)

Nataku = The Dormouse (The Dormouse drifts in and out of sleep a lot and seems generally out of it all the time. I think this was meant to be a play on words, the stem "dorm", being the same as that found in "dormant" and "dormitory", meaning sleep. Linguistically, he's a sleep-mouse. I considered using Kakyou for this but made it Nataku instead, mostly because Kakyou appears later as someone else. :P)

BEAST = The Jabberwock (Notice the lack of y at the end of that. This is because Jabberwock is a noun; Jabberwocky is the adjective- this detail often gets confused. )

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Notes:

1. Culottes = knee-breaches

2. The term "mad hatter" comes from the fact that many hatters in the 18th and 19th centuries suffered from mercury poisoning. Here I mostly just used it because I liked the imagery of a liquid mercury band around a hat made of water and thought, meh maybe it likes Yuuto too? :P

3. The vorpol blade is a direct reference to the poem Jabberwocky, in which the creature was killed with such a sword.

4. Kamui thinks Nataku is referring to the holy sword.

5. "The jaws that bite, the claws that catch" Is also a line straight from the poem and I wanted to point out here that despite its name, BEAST doesn't have jaws or claws although it is still a dangerous entity.


	2. Standing in the Background

A/N: I love "The Walrus and the Carpenter"- if you've never read the books you should at least google and read the poem. :P

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When he finally felt he was a safe distance away, he breathed a sigh of not-quite-relief. He was still trapped in this hellish forest with even less idea of the direction he was travelling in. Kamui found himself torn between hoping he ran into someone else he could ask for help and terror that he would run into any more weirdos. So he wandered, drawing his arms around him for warmth and protection, as though they could actually offer it. After what felt like hours of nothingness and waiting, he sat down and fought the urge to cry.

_You're the Kamui!_ He scolded himself harshly in his head. _The fate of the whole WORLD is on your shoulders. You are NOT going to just break down here in the middle of nowhere and cry just because you've gotten a little turned around._

He sniffled a little, despite himself.

"What's this? A little lost savior weeping in the forest?" A voice that sent spears of ice down his spine asked from behind him.

He jumped and spun around to face a man he vaguely recognized. He frowned, trying to place him. He was momentarily distracted when he noticed that all of the trees were different from before. Their petals were no longer dark and expansive but pale pink and fragrantly delicate…

"Sakurazukamori!" He cried, leaping back a few feet.

The man smiled and took another drag from his cigarette before answering. "Yes, that is who I am. And who are you?"

"What… you've met me before and knew who I was… and you just called me 'little savior'."

"Yes. But who are you?" Sakurazuka repeated, calmly tapping away ashes from the end of his cigarette, making Kamui briefly wonder if he was also the source of forest fires or something.

"I'm Kamui. You already know that."

"But who are you?" Sakurazuka loomed over him.

"I… I'm Kamui. Stop playing games you bastard!" Kamui made a move to shove him away but the Sakurazukamori dodged his hand easily, still smiling that sickening grin.

"But who is Kamui?" he asked.

Kamui opened his mouth to answer but before he could reply, Sakurazuka unexpectedly stepped back and performed his usual vanishing act in a flurry of sakura petals. Kamui scowled at the lost opportunity to snap back something clever even though he had not yet thought of a good retort. He was caught off guard however when instead of just disappearing, the petals formed a kind of cocoon, and then collapsed away, revealing that they had transformed Sakurazuka into someone else.

"Fu… Fuuma?" Kamui shook his head. It couldn't be.

"Who are you?" He asked again, in that familiar childhood voice. "Who is Kamui?"

"I… I am. Fuuma wait!" Kamui reached out a hand but felt it slip through thin air as Fuuma suddenly vanished.

_Who is Kamui?_

The words echoed in the air and Kamui suddenly was not sure if he had imagined it or if someone had really spoken them aloud. He tried to shake away the feeling of helplessness and continued to wander but being hopelessly lost at this point was not making him feel any better at all.

Just when he was on the verge of giving up hope again, he saw a flash of color between the trees before him and recognized the velvet waistcoat. This time, much to his relief, Subaru did not run away when he called his name.

His reaction however, to Kamui's grateful approach and relieved hug was less than reassuring.

"Where is he? Am I too late again?" He asked breathlessly, as though he had been running a long time to reach this spot.

"What are you talking about Subaru?"

"Seishirou-san. Is he already gone?"

Kamui frowned. "If you mean the Sakurazukamori, then yes, he's gone…"

Subaru swore, a small careless act that Kamui would have brushed off from anyone else in the world.

"Subaru?"

"I have to go. I'm late."

"Late for what? Subaru don't go please!" Kamui felt childish for clinging to him like this but everything he had seen and heard that day had unbalanced him and he didn't want to lose his anchor to sanity, ignoring the irony of the fact that of all people it was Subaru.

"Nono, I must go. I'm very late." Subaru insisted, speaking more rapidly than normal. Had he not known better, Kamui would have almost thought he was on drugs.

"Late for what?"

"Too late, in fact. I fear." Subaru said softly, gently pushing Kamui away.

"For what?"

"For my wish."

"What wish? Subaru!" Kamui screamed as the older man disappeared again into the tenebrous woods.

"_You've got all the time in the world!"_

"_That's not very much is it?"_

_I will not break down. _Kamui insisted to himself. _I will NOT. Even if I am completely hopelessly lost and alone and have no idea what's going on or what direction to go. Or even where I would go if I knew which direction to take. What am I even looking for? _Kamui felt his breathing grow more rapid as panic set in.

_Who is Kamui?_

"No! Stop!" He put his hands over his ears, falling to his knees.

"Stop what?" A cheerful voice asked. He lifted his head and through eyes blurred with tears of frustration realized that two people in matching daisy yellow coats and hats were bent over in front of him, their gleeful faces just inches away from his, as if they could beam away his sadness with their smiles.

"Sorata? Yuzuriha?" he asked, ashamed at how watery his own voice sounded.

"What's wrong kid?" Sorata asked, every beat to his words on its way up.

"I'm… just not having a very good day I guess." Kamui replied, hesitantly. At least these were people that he considered friends, he thought. And they didn't seem any more crazy than they normally were.

"Oh!" Yuzuriha clapped her hands together as if delighted by this prospect. "I know just the thing!" Kamui waited for her to whip a packet of pocky out of one of her many enormous coat pockets. "A song!"

"Of course!" Sorata immediately agreed, giving her a big hug. "That's just the thing for a situation like this! Now- you just sit there and we'll cheer you up in no time!"

The two of them pushed Kamui into a sitting position and leapt up to stand in front of him, side by side. They cleared their throats in unison and before Kamui could protest this absurdly timed performance, Sorata began to recite in a sing-songy voice:

The sun was shining on the sea,  
Shining with all his might:  
He did his very best to make  
The billows smooth and bright -  
And this was odd, because it was  
The middle of the night. (1)

Yuzuriha jumped in, taking over the poem.

The moon was shining sulkily,  
Because she thought the sun  
Had got no business to be there  
After the day was done -  
'It's very rude of him,' she said,  
'To come and spoil the fun.'

"You see," A voice interrupted the poem, "Sometimes people try to shine when a little darkness there must be." The three of them looked up to see Fuuma lounging lazily on a tree branch above them. "Of course, even the moon herself is rather presumptuous here isn't she? Thinking she has the right to spoil the night with her own weak light." He flashed them a feline smile before asking if he could continue the poem. Without waiting for an answer he began.

The blood was wet as wet could be,  
The bones were dry as dry.  
You could not see a soul, because  
No one was left alive:  
No birds were flying overhead -  
There were no birds to fly.

Yuzuriha gasped and covered her mouth in horror. Sorata frowned. "That's not…" he began but Fuuma held up a hand, silencing them both. Kamui just stared, afraid to say anything this time lest Fuuma disappear once more

The Devil and the Chosen One  
Were those left to remain;  
They wept like anything to see  
Such grief of those in pain:  
`If only Fate had found a way,'  
They said, `to spare us from this shame!'

`If seven seals with seven dreams  
Worked for half a year,  
Do you suppose,' the Devil said,  
`That they could get it clear?'  
`I doubt it,' said the Chosen One,  
And shed a bitter tear.

`O Dragons, come and walk with us!'  
The Devil did beseech.  
`A lonely walk, a lonely talk,  
Our secrets we will teach  
We cannot do with more than twelve,  
To give our grace to each.'

The eldest Dragon looked at him,  
But never a word he said:  
The eldest Dragon closed his eyes,  
And shook his heavy head -  
Meaning to say he did not choose  
To leave his sterile bed. (2)

But other Dragons hurried up,  
All eager for the fight:  
Their tales were scrubbed, their faces washed,  
Their scales were clean and bright -  
And this was odd, because they were  
Aware that die they might.

The Devil and the Chosen One  
Walked on a mile or so,  
And then they rested on a rock  
Conveniently low:  
And all the little Dragons stood  
And waited in a row.

`The time has come,' the Devil said,  
`To talk of many things:  
Of life- and death - and sealing fate -  
Of prophecies- and dreams -  
And why the earth is crumbling now -  
And how angels get wings.'

`But wait a bit,' the Dragons cried,  
`Before we have our chat;  
For some of us are out of breath!'  
They cried from where they sat.  
`No hurry!' said the Chosen One.  
They thanked him much for that.

`A brand new world,' the Devil said,  
`Is what we chiefly need:  
Courage and honesty besides  
Are very good indeed -  
Now if you're ready, Angels dear,  
We can plant the seed.'

`But what of us!' six others cried,  
Turning a little blue.  
`To leave us out, that would be  
A dismal thing to do!'  
`The Seals are mine,' the Chosen said.  
`To shield the world you knew.

`It seems a shame,' the Devil said,  
`To play them such a trick,  
After we've brought them out so far,  
And made them trot so quick!'  
The Chosen One said nothing but  
`This one's blood's too thick!'

`I weep for you,' the Devil said:  
`I deeply sympathize.'  
With sobs and tears he looked up  
into the Chosen's eyes,  
Knowing they were only waiting  
Until one of them dies.

`O Dragons,' said the Chosen One,  
`You've had a pleasant run!  
Shall we be trotting home again?'  
But answer came there none -  
And this was scarcely odd, because  
They'd murdered every one.

Trees did not lend the acoustics necessary for echoes but echo these last words did nonetheless in Kamui's ears.

Yuzuriha simply stared at Fuuma in shock, her hands still clamped over her mouth, only her huge terrified eyes revealing her horror. Even Sorata seemed to have been rendered speechless by this vignette.

Fuuma grinned madly at both of them then leaned forward to Kamui, tracing his jaw line with his index finger ever so delicately. "Do you see yet, Kamui?"

But Kamui only felt more confused. "I don't understand…" he said slowly. "I just… I want Fuuma back. And I want to go back to how things used to be. I want life to return to normal…"

Fuuma sighed in disappointment. "I'm afraid then that you shall still be here a while." He gave Kamui another unwelcome caress and a taunting smile before vanishing again, leaving the ghost of those grinning lips to linger a moment longer than the rest of him.

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Characters:

Seishirou = The Caterpillar (I originally thought of him as the Cheshire Cat but changed that to Fuuma for reasons I'll explain in a second. The Caterpillar though, beyond the image of him smoking, which given that Seishirou and Subaru and the only smokers we know of in X seemed appropriate, represents an imposing figure to Alice in the book.)

Fuuma = Well, here the butterfly and the Cheshire Cat. The Cheshire Cat reappears to Alice, somewhat explaining things as she goes along but also rather tormenting her, which just seems incredibly Fuuma-like non? In this chapter he was also the butterfly though. Later he's going to appear again as both the Cheshire Cat and other characters. This is my twisting of the concept that he appears to different people differently in X. :P Sorry if it gets confusing.

Yuzuriha = Tweedledee

Sorata = Tweedledum (Or vice versa maybe, I'm not sure. :P This was actually originally inspired by a picture I love of the two of them that can be seen at [ http: / gallery. aethereality. net/ download. php? id=305 ] – copy/paste and remove the spaces. :P It's adorable. I always liked the idea of Yuzuriha and Sorata as good friends. In a way, while Kamui and Subaru seem close in a similar souls kind of way (or at least that's how I always saw it), I thought Yuzuriha and Sorata were like that as well. I thought it would be cute then to mimic CLAMP's making Kamui and Subaru twins in Tsbuasa by making Yuzuriha and Sorata twins here. I do not mean to imply that they're a couple, just to be clear.)

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Notes:

First of all, I'd like to mention I'm really happy with how my version of the Walrus and The Carpenter turned out- if you read the original poem (can be found through google), I tried to keep very close to the original while making it about something completely different and feel the effort was mostly a success although I had to cut two verses.

1. The first two verses featured here are the original verses of the book, it's only when Fuuma starts reciting that the poem changes.

2. I have no idea how old Kakyou really is, but for some reason I always figured he was the oldest of the Dragons of Earth/Angels/Minions/Team Fuuma. He's the one I'm referencing here.


	3. Everybody's Saying He's Not Coming Home

A/N: This will probably be the least recognizable part of the story for those who have never read Alice in Wonderland / Through the Looking Glass, as the characters and situation introduced are not portrayed in the well known animated Disney film. For anyone who has seen the Alice in Wonderland episode of Ouran High School Host Club (I think it's episode 13?), they do use a version of this scene; it's where Renge appears.

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Before Kamui could slip back into the despair that kept claiming a tighter and tighter grip on his heart, his thoughts were interrupted by Sorata and Yuzuriha, who seemed to have reclaimed a somewhat pained imitation of the cheerfulness they originally had.

"Come on Kamui! Don't let him get to you!" Yuzuriha cried encouragingly, taking Kamui's hand and pulling him to his feet.

"Yeah, no worries man, we're here for ya!" Sorata thumped him somewhat roughly on the shoulder.

Thus the three of them continued through the forest, Kamui wondering if the other two knew where they were going any better than he did. Either way they seemed happier on their way to wherever it was and he tried to soak up the sunshine radiating from the both of them as best he could, hoping it would warm him, chase away the chills left by the last few encounters he had had.

He thought that maybe he was beginning to thaw a little and was beginning to be able to join in on their playful banter, feeling the forest around him grow a little lighter and less threatening. Then he realized they had left the forest and were actually in what looked like a relatively normal neighborhood and he wondered if they had actually walked out of the forest or if it had just changed.

"Kusanagi!" Yuzuriha cried with delight and suddenly broke away from the two of them, her yellow raincoat glimmering in the sunlight.

She threw her arms around an enormous, muscular man with who had been sitting as unobtrusively as possible on a doorstep. His face was a maze of scars, somewhat faded under a dark tan and his broad shoulder seemed to stretch forever in either direction of his thick neck and Kamui thought he should be imposing and threatening. However, the footman's uniform, with its delicate green silk cuffs and shiny brass coat buttons greatly lessened the effect, making him look more ridiculous than anything else.

"Hello missy." He smiled calmly at Yuzuriha who was currently nuzzling his shoulder like an affectionate kitten.

"Who are you?" Sorata asked amiably.

"I'm Kusanagi."

"Yeah, I know, I heard her." He nodded toward Yuzuriha.

"I'm the Duchess' footman." He added, a little more helpfully.

"Ahhh I see." Sorata nodded, seemingly a great deal more informed than Kamui.

"I have something I need to do." Kusanagi added again, as Yuzuriha continued nuzzling.

"Should we go then and leave you to it?" Kamui asked, ready to pull Yuzuriha away if she was bothering him, worried that the man, despite his ill-suited clothing could snap her like a twig at any given moment.

"Oh no." Kusanagi shook his head firmly.

"Oh… okay."

The four of them fell into an awkward silence.

"Well?" Kamui finally demanded.

"Well what?" Sorata looked at him, confused.

'"Aren't you going to do whatever it is you need to do?"

Kusanagi stared as him as though he had just suggested they all fill balloons with water, put goldfish in them and hang them from the eaves under which they stood.

"But I cannot go inside."

"Why not?"

"The door is closed."

Kamui wondered if the heat was getting to him but quickly realized it was not nearly warm enough out for that.

"Then why don't you open it?"

"It's not my house." Kusanagi answered simply.

Sorata watched the exchanges silently, his head bouncing between the two of them like an audience member at a ping pong match.

"Then why don't you knock?"

Kusanagi gaped at him and for a moment Kamui expected a loud croak or ribbit to escape the man's throat. Before he could say anything, the sound of breaking glass and a woman screaming from inside the house broke the silence. Kamui jumped in alarm but none of the others made any sign they had heard anything.

"What was that?"

"It is chaos." Kusanagi answered him flatly.

"And you're just trying to stay out of it?"

"Oh no. I can't stay out of it really. None of us can. I'm just waiting for it to reach me I suppose."

"But… shouldn't we go in and help whoever…"

Suddenly a blur of white came whizzing out of an open window, ripping across Kusanagi's cheek and leaving a fresh line of red that would surely add yet another scar, before crashing into a tree behind them, shattering into numerous tiny pieces of porcelain. Kamui cried out in surprise, jumping away.

Kusanagi didn't flinch or cry out or even move to wipe away the blood and suddenly Kamui found himself wondering how all the other scars had gotten there.

"Shouldn't we find out what's going on?" he asked, watching the window warily now, ready to duck at any moment.

"Why would we do that?" Sorata asked, confused.

"Someone could be getting hurt in there!" Kamui yelled, feeling a tug of frustration at the calm indifference of the other three who didn't even bat an eye at this possibility.

"Probably." Sorata shrugged.

"Oh I'm sure they are." Kusanagi assured him.

"Then… gah! Fine- you sit here and do nothing. I'M going to try to make sure no one's getting killed!" Kamui declared and marched up the steps, tugging at the front door handle, fully prepared to rip it off its hinges if he had to. He nearly fell over when it opened freely. He turned and glared at Kusanagi as though it were his fault Kamui had lost balance. "You mean it was unlocked the whole time?"

Kusanagi glanced over his shoulder at him. "I suppose it was."

"Then why didn't you just go in?"

Another scream and the sound of more crashing pierced his ear drums and Kamui was again distracted, running inside before he could get an answer.

There was no one in the foyer or living room and this seemed hardly surprising given the state they were in. Kamui froze in shock and fear for a moment when he recognized the acrid scent of something smoldering and saw that everything in both rooms was blackened. What was left of the defeated curtains hung limply over the windows and scorch marks ravaged every surface. Kamui felt vile assault the back of his throat as he recognized the living room as that of the house he and mother had lived in when… (1)

_NO. Someone's in danger. Take care of that right now._ Kamui jerked his head away, feeling the muscles in his neck twinge in protest at the sudden movement. He heard another crash and found his way into the kitchen where Arashi stood at a stove, vigorously shaking a fine black dust into a pot of soup.

_Ashes._ Kamui thought, nauseated for a moment before he sneezed and realized that it was pepper, not ash.

His sneeze was violently echoed across the room and he turned to see a woman in a rocking chair, clutching something to her chest as her long wavy hair flowed in smooth rivers down her shoulders and arms.

Kamui felt dizzy for a moment and felt his heart leap into his throat.

"Ko-"

Then she looked up and he realized it was not Kotori. For a split second he was relieved and then felt sick again as his brain processed recognition.

"Aunt Saya?"(2)

The woman replied with another sneeze then reached for a plate out of the china cabinet she was seated by.

"Stop! Dammit! I've told you a thousand times! That's enough!" She hurled the plate at the cook, narrowly missing her head, the plate flying out the window by the sink instead.

"Hey!" Kamui reached out to stop her, more than a little shocked. Aunt Saya had never been violent, never swore never… never died?

Arashi paused in her shaking for a moment and Kamui held his breath, thinking it was over. Then she turned and wandered over to the pantry, opened it and after some rummaging around pulled out another shaker and returned the stove, dumping its contents into the pot once more.

Kamui and Saya sneezed simultaneously and he suddenly realized there had been another sneeze muffled under theirs. Turning his gaze to the bundle in her arms, Kamui felt his eyes widen even as stray flecks of pepper stung them. In his surprise, he didn't notice Saya reaching for another plate and launching it once more at Arashi, once more narrowly missing.

"Stop! You're even making the baby sneeze you bitch!" Saya screamed.

"Aunt Saya, don't…" Kamui hesitantly stepped forward.

Suddenly Sorata's head popped up in the window.

"Stopped them yet Kamui? Oh…. Well hello there beautiful." He grinned at Arashi, his eyes roaming up and down her figure.

She froze in her pepper shaking and stared at him as he did his very best to flirt or at least extract some response from her.

Kamui ignored them and nervously approached Saya.

"How… how are you alive?" he asked hoarsely, his throat suddenly dry. "And is that…"

"Duchess! I have a message for you!"

Kamui jumped, wondering how he had not noticed Subaru come up on his right.

Saya gave a sigh of frustration. "What is it then?"

Subaru bowed. "Her majesty wishes to see you in court."

"What?" Kamui cried.

"Her majesty, the queen of hearts." Another familiar voice said behind him. Kamui spun to see Fuuma leaning against the wall, grinning madly. For a moment, he thought Fuuma had even acquired a tail twitching against the patterned wallpaper before realizing was just a shadow. "The duchess is in trouble, you see." He grinned. "It's her own fault though."

"How dare you!" Saya screamed at Fuuma and jerked another plate out of the china cabinet. The plate again missed its target though and Fuuma flashed a taunting smile at her.

Kamui turned back to Saya just in time to see her rearing back another plate. "Wait!" He cried and took a few steps forward. He was still too late to stop her though and he heard the plate crash into something other than the wall this time. He looked over his shoulder and choked when he saw blood dripping from Subaru's chin to the floor, the rest of his face obscured as his head was hung as though in embarrassment.

"Su… baru?" he asked, a terrible feeling clenching the pit of his stomach.

Subaru raised his head and Kamui felt a wave of nausea as he caught sight of the blood running down his friend's cheek and the long strands of hair caught shining slickly over his eye.

"Subaru…" He stepped closer but was suddenly distracted when Saya shoved the bundle she had been cradling into his arms.

"Come back here you little devil!" She screamed, flying out of the kitchen in pursuit of Fuuma.

Kamui looked down at the baby in his arms in shock, then back up to find that Subaru too had vanished.

"Subaru!"

The bundle in his arms squirmed and Kamui looked back down and noticed that the baby's face had been partly covered in Saya's efforts to shield it from the pepper. He pulled the blanket away and felt his blood run cold.

"Fuuma…"

"No."

The Fuuma who had disappeared from the kitchens seconds before was suddenly at Kamui's side. Kamui stared up at him. "But… it's you… as a baby. I'm sure of it, I've seen so many pictures of you when you were little at your house…"

"You're wrong."

"But it's you, Fuuma." Kamui insisted, feeling the few tendrils of coherent thought in his mind snapping.

"There is no such person."

"But there is! In fact, there seem to be two of them right here right now!"

"No, there never was a Fuuma. There are two of someone, but that someone is Kamui."

"What…" Kamui frowned back down at the baby and noticed Fuuma disappear again out of the corner of his eye. He gasped to see that it was no longer Fuuma's face but his own staring back up at him. He screamed and dropped it. He immediately knelt to the floor in horror that he had just dropped a baby. He didn't know whether to be relieved or creeped out when he discovered it was not a baby but a doll but either way, stood back up and, shuddering, made his way out of the house.

.

.

Characters:

Kusanagi = The Frog Footman (Yeah this character never appears in movies. You know why? Because his role is to not do anything. In the book he really does just sit there and kind of accept that everything is nuts.)

Arashi = The Cook (I don't think they named the cook in the book, but if anyone recalls them doing so, please inform me. In the book, as I recall the cook keeps adding too much pepper to the food, making everyone sneeze like here.)

Saya = The Duchess (She asks Alice to watch her baby for a while as I recall in the book and it turns into a pig. I remember that being one of the weirdest scenes for me reading it.)

Fuuma = Okay, again, he's the Cheshire Cat, but also temporarily appears as the baby, reminding us once more that he's kind of all over the place.

.

Notes:

1. This description was meant to throw Kamui back to memories of his mother and their house burning down before he moves back to Tokyo at the beginning of X.

2. Just a reminder as she is not very big in the series and only showed up at the beginning, Saya was Kotori and Fuuma's mother, which is why she looks at first like Kotori to Kamui.


	4. This Can't be Happening To Me

The others were gone when he walked out the door and Kamui stood on the front lawn, looking up and down the street, wondering which why they might have gone and if he had any hope of finding them at this rate. He chose a direction at random and set out, trying to walk with the purpose he knew he didn't have. The sky rumbled and Kamui somehow felt that it was appropriate for the heavens to open up and dump their contents on him all it once. Shoulders hunched, and head down against the gale, he pressed on anyway, quickening his step and barely noticing where he was going.

His pace was abruptly halted though when he collided with something.

"Oh my goodness! Are you alright?" a friendly voice asked, taking Kamui's shoulders to steady him.

"Uh yeah… I'm fine, Aoki." He looked up and blinked. _You shouldn't wear white when it's raining._ He thought vaguely, noticing that the entirety of Aoki's outfit was snowy white.

"You shouldn't be out in the rain, here!" He offered Kamui his umbrella, and Kamui blinked again as the shift had revealed Aoki's head and more strangely, the crown perched on it.

"Why…" he began but stopped himself, guessing that the answer would surely only baffle him more.

"Z!" Aoki beamed.

"What?"

"Aren't we doing the alphabet? Y is a strange place to start though, isn't it?"

"No, I…" Kamui shook his head.

"Oh I must have misheard! I'm sorry, J then!" Aoki grinned at him, waiting.

Kamui sighed and decided not to try to explain himself. "Aoki, where are we?"

"I have no idea!" Aoki looked terribly pleased with himself.

Kamui closed his eyes and counted to ten in his head, willing himself not to get angry with the man.

"How did you get here then?" he asked, teeth clenched.

"I dunno!"

"Where is a desk when you need one…" Kamui wondered, his head aching.

"I don't know, but I'm told they're like ravens." Aoki replied, oblivious to the redundancy of Kamui's question. "I met someone in the woods who had a shikigami like a raven. Maybe he has a desk too? We could go look for him…"

Kamui gave an involuntary shudder as an image of the Sakurazukamori's shikigami came to mind. "No, let's not."

"Knot what?"

"Not find him."

Aoki gave him a puzzled look.

"Weren't you already going somewhere?" Kamui asked hopefully, ignoring the puzzled look.

"Oh yes!" Aoki brightened again. "I'm going to Nowhere!"

"What?"

"Yes, you see, I read a poem in a book. And the author said they were going to Nowhere, and since I have read a lot of poems by this author and they are one of my favorites, I decided to go there too and meet them!"

"Oh… I see… who is the author?"

"Anonymous!"

Kamui stared at the man, half-expecting him to grow another head and musing that it really probably would not surprise him that much if he did right now.

"I want to be just like Anonymous someday." Aoki sighed wistfully. (1)

"Riiight. Well good luck finding them…" Kamui handed back the umbrella as the rain was beginning to let up. He didn't want to be alone but somehow he had a feeling that being with Aoki was not going to be particularly helpful either. So they parted ways and Kamui continued down the street.

He walked for what seemed like hours and at last came to a garden and stopped to rest for a bit. Kamui sat down on the edge of a found in the midst of the blooming flowers, his elbows on his knees and chin in his hands. "I'm never going to get anywhere." He muttered to himself.

"Not at this rate you're not."

Kamui jerked and looked up to see Fuuma reclining against a tree, smirking.

"It's because you're too slow." He added. "But then, no matter how fast you go, you will never be able to get there in time." He paused to reflect for a moment as he stood up. "Or out of time for that matter."

"What? Fuuma what are you talking about? How did you even find me?"

"The flowers. They stalk for me."

_Since when do you speak in puns?_ Kamui wondered but before he could say anything, Fuuma was standing in front of him.

"You know, you would look so pretty wet." He leered, his face inches from Kamui's

Before Kamui could push him away Fuuma's hands were on his shoulders, shoving him back into the fountain. Caught off guard, Kamui fell easily in the water, instinctively trying to cry out when his head crashed into the stone bottom of the fountain and choking as he inhaled water. He struggled to fight back but was already at a disadvantage due to his position.

_No!_ he thought, _I can't die like this! I can't drown in just a few inches of water! I can't let Fuuma do this… I can't… _

The next thing he knew he was coughing and sputtering on the ground beside the fountain.

"Are you alright?"

A gentle hand rested on his cheek and Kamui looked up, grateful to see Karen.

"Is- is he gone?" Kamui choked out.

"He's gone for now." She told him, her voice soothing his worries.

Kamui sighed and rested his head on her shoulder, letting her wrap her arms maternally around him.

"Why do these things keep happening?" he asked, more to himself than to her.

"Sometimes we hurt those we love most because we lose sight of what's really important." Karen said softly. (2)

"What do you mean?" Kamui drew back, confused.

She pulled him to his feet.

"Maybe, you should ask him the next time you see him."

Kamui frowned and looked at the fountain, recent memories replaying in his head. He noticed he could see his reflection in the water, but the image was distorted and he wondered which was the distortion, him or the reflection.

"I don't know where he is." Kamui pointed out.

"Then you should go look for him." Karen replied simply

"Will you come with me?"

"No, I can't."

"Why not?"

"I suppose you could say I'm rooted here…" she trailed off vaguely. "I can only be with those who come to me."

Kamui frowned in puzzlement.

"But I wish you the best of luck, Kamui."

She kissed his cheek and waved goodbye as he walked away from the garden, his heart filled with a strange mixture of hope and despair. He glanced over his shoulder once and saw her sitting in a bed of tiger-lilies and for a moment he thought she was talking to them but quickly shook his head and turned back toward the road.

Kamui soon came to another garden though and for a moment thought maybe he had somehow gone in a circle when he realized that this garden had no tiger-lilies. In the distance he heard singing and wandered toward the sound. He came to a garden of roses and paused when he noticed the chairman of CLAMP school and his two assistants were the ones singing as they tended to the flowers. He thought at first they were pruning the bushes but then saw the flash of a paintbrush as the chairman made a sweeping gesture and loudly announced, "Aha! Finished with this one!"

"Great only about a zillion more to go." His blue-haired companion muttered grumpily. Kamui wondered why their uniforms matched except for the number of hearts on their sleeves.

"Um, excuse me," Kamui said hesitantly, afraid to be rude after the chairman's generous help in the past despite his lack of direct involvement in Kamui's affairs.

"Oho! We have a guest!" The chairman leapt up excitedly.

"Don't think you're getting out of work for this!" The blue-haired man yelled. (3)

"Is there something we can help you with?" the third asked gently.

"Um, I'm not sure… what are you doing anyway?"

"Oh we're painting the roses."

Kamui crept closer and saw that indeed, the roses the men were kneeling before were pure white and they were splashing red paint upon them one by one.

"Why are you painting them?"

"Because it is what her majesty wants, you see."(4) The chairman explained. "And I am not one to let any lady's desire go unanswered!" (5)

"And that is what I like about you! Ohohoho!" Kamui looked up from the rosebushes to see a woman with a short pixie cut and a crown placed jauntily, topping off the strangest outfit Kamui had seen since he woke up.

"Milady!" The three men jumped to their feet and bowed, the chairman grabbing Kamui as he did so, pushing the boy into a bow as well.

Peeking up at her, Kamui found himself wondering why she looked so familiar even though he was almost certain he had never seen this woman in his life. Then Subaru appeared by her side breathlessly and Kamui twitched. The resemblance was striking and he remembered Subaru mentioning his twin sister once. He tensed as he suddenly remembered too that the only thing Subaru had said about her was that she had died when they were sixteen.

"It's about time you showed up!" she reprimanded him.

"I'm sorry..."

He apologized profusely and she ignored it, waving away his words as one might wave away an annoying fly. "Whatever. I'm not going to behead you for that. YOU. On the other hand. I might have beheaded!" she pointed to a spot somewhere behind Kamui and he turned to see the Sakurazukamori grinning madly and smoking again. "You broke your promise!" the queen glared at him over the heart-shaped end of her scepter

"As for you!" She pointed to Arashi who had come up on Kamui's left. Arashi jumped at being addressed. "Pepper isn't what you need to warm you up!"

"And you!" The man with the watery hat and the woman with the mechanical rabbit ears had appeared to Kamui's right. "Stop being such a lazy bum!"

Everyone Kamui had encountered since waking up appeared in the rose garden and received a verbal lashing from the queen. Everyone except one person that is.

Kamui waited for it.

But Fuuma didn't show up.

At last the queen's gaze landed on Kamui himself.

"And YOU. You're the worst of all."

"I- what?" Kamui was taken aback.

"You killed your sister, tortured your best friend, gauged out my brother's eye…"

"WHAT?" Kamui yelled. "I didn't do any of those things! That was all Fuuma!"

"Oh I see. Well then. These are terrible crimes nonetheless. He shall have to be beheaded."

Kamui paled. "No… don't do that."

"Why not? Surely you want revenge?" the queen gave him a thoughtful look.

"No!"

"Well then what do you want?"

"I want Fuuma back!"

"But what do you REALLY want?" She asked, leaning closer to him.

"I… I want Fuuma back..."

"But that's not what you want most."

"Yes it is!"

"No." She shook her head and waved her heart-adorned scepter at him. "I didn't get this just by being clueless you know."

"What?"

"Your heart wants something else more. What is it?"

"I…" Kamui froze, suddenly feeling put on the spot. "I don't know…"

"You have to know. You have to find out… Or someone else will pay." She declared.

"What?"

She waved her hand at the crowd that had gathered. "All of them. They'll suffer if you don't figure it out."

"I…" Kamui suddenly felt dizzy. There were so many colors… such a crowd and it was all blending together… Pale lavender was bleeding into blue and red and white and green…

_Why do we lose sight of the most important things?_ He thought and gasped for air, the world spinning out of control around him.

"Kamui." Nataku breathed.

"Kamui." Yuuto whispered.

"Kamui." Satsuki murmured.

"Kamui." Seishirou spoke.

"Kamui." Kusanagi said.

"Kamui." Karen called.

"Kamui." Aoki exclaimed.

"Kamui." Arashi shouted

"Kamui." Yuzuriha cried.

"Kamui." Sorata yelled.

"Kamui." Subaru screamed.

.

.

Characters:

Aoki = The White King (A chess piece. He's on the slow side… In the book, when Alice says she saw nobody on the road I think it was, he thinks that Nobody is a person so I used that idea here, just changing it to a place. :P)

Karen = The Tiger-lily (In the Disney movie, the Red Rose is the one who is nice to Alice and tells the others to leave her alone but in the book, the Tiger-lily does this.)

Fuuma = The Cheshire Cat (Also The Red Rose, as in the book she says that Alice seems kind of stupid and here he too, insults her intelligence. There is also a really vague reference to the Red Queen here as one of my favorite scenes in the book was when the Red Queen grabs Alice and runs with her as quickly as they both can, just running and running and they never move from where they are.)

Nokoru Imonoyama (the chairman) = Seven (One of the three cards. This scene's in the Disney movie but I think they changed their numbers. In the book, it's 2, 5, and 7. These three characters by the way are the main characters of CLAMP School Detectives for anyone who's never read it. It was really weird to see them show up in X as adults after reading CSD as they were just kiddos in there. :P)

Suouh Takamura (the blue-haired man) = Two

Akira Ijyuin = Five

Hokuto = The Queen of Hearts (There's actually a picture of her dressed as the Queen of Hearts somewhere, but I couldn't find it to provide a link here, sorry ^^; Anyway, she's sort of nuts in the way the Queen was, I always felt, though I love Hokuto. I also love the idea of her laying into all the characters in X and telling them off because I can totally see her doing that. Considered going and writing her whole critique of them but decided it would take away from the point if I did.)

Everyone else of course is there too, so as a quick recap if you need it: [Subaru = The White Rabbit] [Hinoto = The Mouse] [Kanoe = The Dodo] [Satsuki = The March Hare] [Yuuto = The Mad Hatter] [Nataku = The Dormouse] [BEAST = the Jabberwock] [Seishirou = The Caterpillar] [Yuzuriha = Tweedledee] [Sorata = Tweedledum] [Kusanagi = The Frog Footman] [Arashi = The Cook] [Saya = The Duchess] [Aoki = The White King] [Karen = The Tiger-lily]

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Notes:

1. I always got the impression that Aoki just wants to live a normal boring life, so I added in this comment about him wanting to be anonymous.

2. This is taken from the series, an almost direct quote. It's what Karen says to Kamui after Nataku dies.

3. In CLAMP School Detectives, Nokoru has a habit of goofing off a lot and Suouh has to keep him on task.

4. I've decided in my head that she's become obsessed with the color red because she has fallen in love the Red King- which will make more sense in the next chapter.

5. Nokoru is obsessed with women. That's what fuels everything he does in CSD and I'm guessing that doesn't exactly go away as he gets older, but rather probably increases.


	5. This is Just a Dream

"Kamui."

Kamui opened his eyes and after wracking his brains for a moment remembered who the man sitting next to him was. As his vision cleared, Kamui thought he saw a red crown on Kakyou's head but the man quickly reached up and brushed away the fall leaf that had landed there.

"What… happened…?" he asked numbly.

"You were dreaming." Kakyou answered softly.

Kamui pushed himself into a sitting position, trying to banish the blurs of color and madness that still haunted the edge of his vision. "It was… just a dream?"

"Yes. Just a dream."

"But… if I can see you then does that mean I'm still dreaming?" Kamui asked.

"You are."

"Oh." Silence stretched on for a few more moments then at last Kamui asked, "the most important thing… do you know what it is, Kakyou?"

The fair man shook his head.

"Wait- you saw the dream right?"

"Yes."

"Where did Fuuma go?"

"What do you mean?"

"When everyone gathered at the end, where did he go? Why wasn't he there?"

"He was."

"I didn't see him anywhere…"

"You couldn't see him."

"I- what?"

"He was there." Kakyou assured him.

Before Kamui could say anything else he woke up.

"Kamui doesn't know who he is." Kakyou said softly and looked up at the man in glasses standing over him. "Kamui doesn't know who he is." He repeated.

The man smiled sadly and agreed.

.

.

Notes:

While Kakyou doesn't appear specifically as an Alice in Wonderland character, I meant to reference the Red King by having it look like he's wearing a red crown with the leaf. (I've seen a couple of beautiful pictures of him with fall leaves.) In the book, they say that the Red King is asleep and this is all his dream.

"_It's like I'm looking from a distance / standing in the background / everybody's saying, he's not coming home now. / This can't be happening to me. / This is just a dream."_


End file.
